Thursday, January 29, 2009

Thursday... the sweetest day of the week... TRIVIA DAY!!!

Alright, the Dimwit is motivated and pumped for today! It is Thursday, which means it's the last day of the week for him. Tomorrow will involve sleeping in and gorging on leftovers in the fridge. However tonight, the Dimwit will be going out to the movies with an old friend who he recently ran into again, and is very glad he did! Slumdog Millionaire is the selection and he will of course provide a full review of its legitamacy as an award winning film either tomorrow or Monday.

Well, here's something different for linkage today... the linkage will be clues to the trivia solution...

1) The Dimwit thinks Photoshop was used to manipulate this one.
2) This guy looks WAY too calm holding this thing.
3) She is all yours Kev.
4) Wow, this is a total photoshop... scary... distrubing...
5) The Dimwit hates cats, espcially cute flying ones.
6) The economy has been rough on everyone, even for Ronald.
7) There aren't words enough in the English vocabulary to justify/describe this.
8) Mmm... mac and cheese...
9) Ummm... ok...
10) Fruity. WTH is this thing?

Alright, these were the top ten images returned from a Google.com search. The Trivia question is: What one word did the Dimwit search? Once again, email your answers to the.daily.dimwit@gmail.com. The first person to answer correctly will recieve a free beer on him at the next outing... or if you're in another state, city, country, whatever... include your mailing address and you'll recieve a $5 bill courtesy of the Dimwit. He'll even pay postage!

Have a great Thursday everyone!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Hump Day!!!

For the Dimwit's loyal readers, get your collective minds out of the gutter, espescially you Kev. It's Wednesday, which only means one thing, it's almost Thursday and since the Dimwit is off this Friday, that makes Wednesday even more awesomer.

What is there to talk about today? Really, it's been a slow week. He did find out this morning that there is a rising chance that he could be sent to Saudi Arabia soon, for what duration, who knows. But no worries, there will be internet access, you will still get your regular-ish postings.

Well, since there aren't any pressing issues on his brain today, here's your linkage:

1) Alright, if this becomes a reality show, the Dimwit is totally watching.
2) Freakin' sweet!
3) OCC has nothing on these guys...
4) This is how you get some serious work done.
5) Proof cats are evil.
6) Hahahahaha!
7) Gift Idea for the Dimwit.
8) For the love Japan, stop the madness. Blowfish testicles? Really? Delicacy = stupidity.
9) Now this is a delicacy the Dimwit could grab a spoon and NOM NOM NOM on for a while...

Have a great day everyone!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

It's only Tuesday...

Wow, the Dimwit woke up this morning thinking it was Thursday. Hopped in the shower and got to the task of getting ready for work. Then BAM! The realization kicked in that it was only Tuesday and it instantly went from a great morning to a dreadful one. Don't you just hate it when that happens?

Alright, well let's get started with some linkage, shall we?

1) The Dimwit wants to wage war. On Woot, these are selling 2 for $35 today... hmmm...
2) Just like from the show The Big Bang Theory, except without Kaley Cuoco. By the way, Kaley if you are reading this, his number is 555-DmWt. Hahahahaa.... no seriously, call him... we'll have his people get with your people...
3) Why didn't the Dimwit think of this? Very savvy... kudos to ya sir...
4) For all you WoW players out there...
5) Unnecessary Force - Possibly the greatest movie... ever... With the sexiest action star ever to be cast in an action role... with the most ridiculous ensemble cast ever assembled...

Monday, January 26, 2009

Monday Morning Madness

The Dimwit is awake, that's all the madness we need. Fun weekend, great time in the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex... only one small problem: the freeways in that place were designed by a teams of crack addicts, unmedicated A.D.D. patients, drunks and hooligans. Add in the fact that DFW-ites drive like utter idiots, and you have the perfect recipe for Dimwit disaster. His GPS unit started cussing at him. Exit warnings at the last minute, Left Exits at the last minute thus sending the Dimwit crossing 4 lanes of traffic in 1/10th of a mile at 70mph, every road having a three digit number, and then those numbers not corresponding to any sense of logic. Seriously, DFW you really need to come up with a better system.


The Zip Line Team Building Scavenger Hunt Obstacle Course Challenge was awesome... He really wanted to use the term Synergy in there as well, but it just didn't fit. His team lost, but not out of any result of his own effort or lack thereof, Kevin and the Dimwit were two of the more active members of his team, our team just lacked a fundamental basis in communication. Too many chiefs and not enough indians. At one point, the Dimwit just shut up and listed as 14 people yelled at each other about how to accomplish the same task, kinda entertaining as a matter of fact.

There were other aspects of the weekend that were just abolutely fun and hysterical, but the Dimwit will just take joy in those within his own head. He and Kev headed out to various parts of Dallas after the Zip Line, including grabbing a burger at Snuffers... and OMG the cheese fries were amazing, heavenly... and artery clogging, which made them even better.

Well, enough ramblings about a weekend in the past... on to the linkage...

1) Storm Trooper Guilt is the number one cause of Vader-assisted suicide in that galaxy far far away... if you know a Storm Trooper in trouble, please call 1-800-HELP-A-ST.
2) Pretty cool, for you art and photography buffs out there...
3) BOOBIES. <---- No worries, this link is SAFE for work.
4) Cool wallets always get a shout out in this blog.
5) Wow, common sense and technology finally come together!
6) SHAMWOW! This infommercial sucks the Dimwit in EVERY time.

Have a great Monday!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Friday... the opiate of the overworked...

The Dimwit is thankful for another Friday, unfortunately it's one where he has to work, but Friday nonetheless. This Friday is special though, as he will be traveling to the distant land of Dallas to enjoy a day of Zip Lining and Obstacle Course challenges on Saturday. He says that to say this, there will be no bloggage this weekend. Wah Wah Wah!

It is time for the Dimwit to chime in on a debate that has been raging for years, but continues to give his favorite sport a black-eye: steroids. Yes, there are those who have been accused, those who deny, those who have admitted contritely and those who continue to plead the 5th. No, there is no way to ever definitively say whether Player A used or not.

So, the solution? The Steroids Era must be judged on the premise that either A) All players used steroids or B) None of the players used steroids. Take the case of Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds. The Dimwit personally watched these two face off in 2004. It was an amazing display and Clemens got Bonds to strike out looking. Now, one could argue that Clemens was only able to do so by benefit of the 'roids. One could also argue that Bonds was such a powerful hitter because of the 'roids. The Dimwit's point is that regardless of the circumstances, they were still two of the best players of the era. We put no asterisks next to the great players of the Dead Ball Era, so there is no need to asterisk this era. It is what it is and all we need to do is understand that while the era is clouded with suspicion, it was an era brought on by MLB's own personal ineptitude and self-agrandizing blind-eye-turning style.

Alright, that's all that needs to be said... now you get your linkage, The Dimwit is pretty sure most of his readers just skim read the past two paragraphs anyways!

1) Ok, The Dimwit is not a dog/animal/pet lover. He doesn't advocate hurting animals, but he's also not going to sign up for PETA either.... but this article, by his favorite sports writer, left the Dimwit with misty eyes. He can't begin to imagine what it will do to animal lovers.
2) Freakin' sweet.
3) OMG.... The Dimwit is ordering like a billion of these... if only it were a real product...
4) Weekend project for the guys? Kev? Ken? Let's do it...
5) Scary... on so many levels...
6) This is America, circa 2009, for you. The sad part, it's only going to get worse...
7) This guy had too much time, and too many thumbtacks.... luckily he filmed it in time-lapse...
8) Hahaha... LMAO.... ROFL....

Have a great Friday.... see all you on Monday!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Thursday... oh how you tease...

The Dimwit had nearly made it through the week unscathed. Then he checked his email this morning and there sat an omen of great peril. "Please meet with your boss Thursday at 1:45pm to discuss your job status." Stupid Outlook meeting requests.... grrr.... So, The Dimwit may very well be getting ready to ship off to some foreign land. Which would put this blog in great peril... depending on if he gets shipped to a third world country with little internet access or he gets lucky and ends up in Singapore. Anyways, more updates to come, but cross your fingers for him today.

We have a winner of the little trivia contest from yesterday... Jill was the first emailer... she said that it wasn't necessary to mention her name here, but really, you all would feel cheated if you didn't know who won, right?!?!? *crickets*.... ok, onward... what you all come here for.... LINKAGE!!!!

1) There are so many ways this story is unintentionally hilarious. Be it that it happened to a Frenchman, it involved a poodle, or that it involved "clinical depression" in someone other than said Frenchman. The French can't even fight back against poodles, why did we ever expect them to fight terrorism??????
2) Ri-gosh-darn-diculous. Wow, even a moment of silence is unconsitutional now? Really, is breathing next?
3) Sweet Monopoly set... if you have anywhere from $4,290-$7570 to spend... do they accept payment in Monopoly money????
4) Classic Art.
5) Anyone else ready for Street Fighter IV?!?!?!?!
6) Pucker up ladies!!!

Thursday is such a tease. Come on Friday, get here already!!!!! Have a good day everyone!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

"Being killed is pretty final, wouldn't you say?"

The first person to email the Dimwit and tell him what movie the title of this blog is quoted from as well as who said it, he will either buy you a "frosty adult beverage" in person (if you are in the Houston area), or mail you $5.00 so you can go get you one on him. Email your responses to The.Daily.Dimwit@gmail.com

The Dimwit will judge the first response based on gmail's timestamp. The winner will be announced in tomorrow's blog as well as by e-mail, unless he actually does have no readers and he has to keep the frosty adult beverage to himself.

We all know what you're thinking? What? Why? Well, here's the deal. The Dimwit wants to increase viewership. So he figures if he buys a drink for a friend once a week, it will force people to come back here from time to time and hear what he has to say! So yes, he will be doing this once a week. Get used to it, but don't expect it to always be on Wednesday or for it to be posted at any specific time during the day. He may just wake up at 2am to post a question...

So, onto the magnanimous job of providing linkage to the masses:
1) Nerd.
2) Want to see the progression of the world for the last 650 million years and on into the future? Simulated of course.
3) Need a place to put down your wine bottle while sailing on your yacht? Only $6500.00.
4) Hey Kev, you busy Sunday? This here's a project worth taking note of...
5) Geek.
6) This is awesome... just install a toilet and mini-fridge, and one may never need to actually stand up any more...

Later peeps.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Over-exposure and Lofty Expectations

***** CAUTION: ANOTHER POLITICAL BLOG FROM THE DIMWIT *****

Hey, did anyone else notice that today was Inauguration Day???? Whew, it's a good thing the Dimwit did some digging and figured out that today was THE day we'd all get our new dictator.... err... president. The Dimwit doesn't know why media outlets aren't covering this. At all. Can't find a lick of coverage, no matter what channel he watches.

If you can't read the above paragraph without understanding the sarcasm dripping from each word, you need to go back to remedial classes in Sarcasm 101, It's a Freakin' Joke 101 and Deal With It 101.

Really, this whole schtick in D.C. is going to leave this country with expectations so far up the wazoo... Ok, yay, we elected an African-American to president... ok, yay, it's not Bush anymore... ok, yay, there are a bunch of "changes" coming...

And the Dimwit argues that we all should be careful what we ask for. The Dimwit would be saying the same thing had the Elephants won, but we're stuck with the Jackasses and the way this country is reacting, the Dimwit must admit he's a bit scared. It seems a little "fanatic"-ish rather than patriotic. Obsession is not always a good thing and there are too many factions getting obsessed, thinking the Obama-nator is going to back their cause specifically and be their hero. Sorry to tell you this people, he still has lines he has to walk and until he ousts Congress and the Supreme Court in a military coup to set up his authoritarian rule, there are still check and balances.

For those of you who are friends of the Dimwit and who disagree with him, he totally understands and respects your right to have your own opinion. He certainly doesn't think any more or less of any of you based on whether you agree or disagree with his stance.

Here's hoping the next 4 years are better than the last... and that the GOP can find someone who isn't an octogenarian to make a run in 2012. Of course, if the military coup hasn't happened yet...
1/20/09 - The beginning of the Socialist States of America.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Could Monday suck any worse?

The Dimwit has long stood in firm belief that Monday is evil. Don't know when this happened, but somewhere in the course of time, it became unadulterated evil. Going along with your weekend, everything is just great, then BAM! Monday strikes and you realize you have to go back to the energy sucking, fluorescent light bombarding, bad coffee serving cubicle jungle.

Bah... on to some linkage!!!

1) Funny parody video.
2) Beer Flow Charts. Really, what is there in life that cannot be explained using a flow chart???
3) Awesome.
4) Has anyone else been sucked into the info-mercial for these? The Dimwit just doesn't see why "Made in Germany" is such a big part of the marketing campaign. There have been a lot of things made in Germany that have sucked. Like the East Germany women's powerlifting team from the 1984 Summer Olympics.

On that note, The Dimwit is going to get to work. One of these days he may get an office where he can actually see a window. How sad is it that this is a goal?

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Warning - Political Commentary To Follow...

So the Dimwit generally, as a rule, stays away from such topics as politics, abortion, gay rights and ridiculous news stories that drive him bonkers. However, there is a current political news article on MSNBC.com that is driving him bonkers and he really feels the need to discuss it in an open forum where he can delete the comments of any detractors.

Here's the story.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Ok, let us discuss. First of all, the beloved ESPN has really become a thorn in the Dimwit's side as of late. It has become a media monster which really does more to CREATE news out of nothing rather than do any real reporting. Between the "Boo-ya's" and the "Ed Warder reports some ridiculous crap from Cowboy's camp..." they rarely throw in actual news from the sports world. Those that know the Dimwit well would be shocked to find out that he no longer watches SportsCenter in the mornings. He just can't stand it anymore, very sad.

The Dimwit is fully aware that this is a "historic" election/inauguration, but it is his firm belief that it has absoultely NOTHING to do with sports. Really, there are going to be approximately 752 trillion TV stations with cameras at this thing. Does this country really need Jeremy Schaap doing sideline reporting during this? Sorry ESPN, this is a bad move. It is another over-estimation of your own worth to society.

The sad part is that there are people who will switch over to ESPN to watch it there, simply because it's on ESPN. As for the Dimwit, he'll be at work faithfully punching out another blog on Tuesday, unaware and not really caring about what is going on in Washington D.C. or at the Bristol studios of ESPN.

If only we could now sacrifice ESPN on the alter of gay rights and abortion, this blog would be complete.

If this blog pisses you off, get over it and come back tomorrow for great linkage! OMG, the funniest Star Wars related video ever made... hahahaahaha...

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Special Bonus Blog

Ok, the Dimwit thought this video was amazing, and since he can't access YouTube at work, he wanted to get this on the blog tonight... here you go:

Wednesday... The Day The Dimwit Does What Has Never Been Done

Oh yes, that's right, the Dimwit has a marvelous idea. There is a theme to today's blog, and it is bacon. Oh, he knows what you're thinking... how is this marvelous and why is this being made such a big deal??? Well, he'll tell you why... because it's bacon DAMNIT! And bacon is the most glorious meat. Don't deny it, because you will be struck down. Without further ado...

1) The all encompassing flow chart of bacon. (Thanks Kev) Ladies, keep this handy, and you'll genereally know what a guy is thinking during those long pauses where he's completely silent, yet you can tell he's thinking about something and you ask the most mind numbing question in the history of man: "What are you thinking?"
2) Got a bo-bo? Perfect solution.
3) What guy wouldn't be cool carrying this around?
4) Or wearing this on a hot date? (What kills the Dimwit about this is that it's actually bacon-scented as well!!!!! AWESOME!!!!)
5) This answers the oldest dilema known to man... how does one make flossing fun?
6) Keep a bag in your pocket at all times, you never know when you might need a snack.
7) Need fresh breath on the go? Try these!
8) Perfect for a special occassion.
9) Buy the Dimwit anything from the above collection of links and you can get this to wrap it in!
10) And finally, just in case you wanted to read up on the collective interweb's knowledge of bacon!

The Dimwit's good friend Homer Simpson once had a great conversation with his daughter Lisa regarding pork products:
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What
about
bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh,
yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Well, there you have it folks. The Dimwit's tribute to a wonderful, magical animal.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Saturday Night In Review

The Dimwit is such a slacker. Can't even punch out a blog a day. He needs to be slapped around a bit, although we are all a little fearful it wouldn't be punishment to him. Anyways, he promised Lady J a story since she is alone in Australia and can't find Hugh Jackman or Nicole.

So here it goes... The Dimwit was sitting around his house Saturday night watching football, when his roommate James asked if he wanted to go bar-hoping in Rice Village with some buddies of his. With nothing else to do, The Dimwit agreed. We'll fast forward to the end of the evening, as really nothing other than drinking and debauchery occurred between this point and the really fun part of the evening.

At 2am, we were asked to leave Baker Street Pub and as we ambled through the parking lot, James notices a purse sitting on the curb. A drunk fellow exclaims "Some chick left it when she got in a cab." James picks up the purse, and being the good samaritans that we are, start rummaging through it. We'll go through the entire contents of the purse later, but as for now The Dimwit grabbed the phone and, for lack of a better term, started Drunk Dialing. (The Dimwit was a little intoxicated.) After a call to this poor girl's mother, left a voicemail, it was decided that the best plan of action would be to look at the text messages and see who her real friends were. Thus Chris was found. After leaving another fun voicemail, we decided that we probably wouldn't hear from her until morning. Packing up in James' Jeep, we headed back to the Dimwit Domicile. James' friend Cory was in the back seat with the purse, inspecting the contents:
1) Make-up Compact
2) Texas Driver's License - The Dimwit will admit now, she was a looker!
3) Credit Card - Oh we contemplated a shopping spree, but really what is open at 3am that The Dimwit would want to buy? Let's not answer that question...
4) More make-up crap, some kind of clamp type thing that is used on the eyes... women and their make up crap, The Dimwit thinks this thing looks like some kind of torture device... get one near him and there will be violence... anyways, back to the list...
5) A bag of WEED! Yep, that's right folks, weed. At this point, the drunk Dimwit freaks a little... "Dude, possession is a felony or something..." James retorts: "Relax, it's only a misdemeanor, I think..." Cory wisely takes the baggie of weed and deposits it in his pocket. "Hey I don't smoke it but maybe I can make a few bucks.," Cory says.

At this point there are a couple of scenarios going through my mind:
1) Getting pulled over by the cops and all three of us getting busted for misdemeanor possession.
2) Actually returning the purse to some drug-addict junkie who is packin' heat, finds that her precious baggie of weed is missing, then ending up a bloody corpse, another victim of the mean streets of Houston.

Her phone rings. In a panicked voice the Dimwit answers. On the other end is the most sad, girly voice. She explains that her car was towed and that to get it back she needs her purse, ID and credit card. Thankfully she doesn't need the weed, at least at this point. After dropping off Cory and the weed at his car, James and the Dimwit agree to meet this girl at a VERY public place, the 59 Diner.

When their cab pulls up, the Dimwit stays in the building. More witnesses = less death. There are 4 people total, two couples. The purse girl, Jessica, runs in the doorway... the Dimwit fears for his safety. She unexpectedly and literally jumps and gets the Dimwit with a full bear hug. The Dimwit waits for the feel of a knife or other deadly object. Nothing. At this point, the Dimwit realizes she is REALLY drunk. She starts thanking the Dimwit profusely, relaxes the bear hug of death a bit, then looks the Dimwit right in the eyes, leans in and plants a big kiss, right on the lips. The Dimwit still doesn't really know how to react and before he can say anything, she says "If my boyfriend wasn't here, I'd TOTALLY make out with you right now. You are SO awesome!" The Dimwit's response: "Well, here's your purse." The other couple and the boyfriend come on in after paying the cabbie, and Purse girl then gives James a big hug (but no kiss, HAHA) and repeats her threat/promise that she'd make out with him as well if only her boyfriend wasn't present. Needless to say, he wasn't happy to hear this sentiment. He tried to give James $20 as a "thanks" for all our trouble. But James and the Dimwit refused payment, mainly out of guilt that Cory stole the weed. Their little party then awaited a friend to pick them up, whilst James and the Dimwit got a table and ate some well deserved breakfast at 4am.

That was Saturday night/Sunday morning for the Dimwit. Jessica, if you're out there reading this blog, the Dimwit apologizes profusely but also is adamant that CORY has your baggie and in no way did the Dimwit condone such thievery. The Dimwit tried very hard to get Cory to place the baggie back in the purse and just forget it was there. But then again, a lost baggie of weed is a small price to pay compared to what we COULD have done with your credit card... lesson to be learned: Don't leave your purse on the curb, you never know what might happen to your weed.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Thursday makes Wednesday look like a little b*tch...

The Dimwit couldn't be more unexcited about today. It's Thursday, reminding you that you still have another day to work, and that you've already poured three days worth of your soul into a job that you hate. The Dimwit wonders why humanity has put itself in this position. Capitalism? Imperialism? Antidisestablishmentarianism? Is our economic practice of choice leading us to become mindless drones, sitting at desks inside cubicles with no personality or individualism? Oh wait, didn't they used to call that communism? Bah, enough of political/socio-economic hogwash. Same shit, different century. Sure they didn't have cubicles and computers, but they had mindless jobs and stupid bosses. Some things never change...

Before the The Dimwit has an aneurysm... we'll move on to some sort of linkage... He promises nothing, his brain is running on fumes...

1) The Dimwit would get absolutely no work done if he had this on his desk at work.
2) He could say the same thing for these.
3) These are some pretty sweet watches.
4) One of the best SNL Shorts of all time.
5) The Dimwit has always avoided Scranton, PA. Now he knows why...

Have a good day... The Dimwit is going to go to sleep on his keyboard now....

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Work Sucks... Then You Die...

Well Dimwit Brigade, the news is not good. The Dimwit is up to his ears in paperwork, thus the bloggage has temporarily stalled again. But there is light on the horizon. This project should be done within the next two weeks, and from then on it should be smooth sailing again. At least until the next project comes in.

So the Dimwit got a new tattoo. It is a tribal type of design in the center of his back. He likes it. Lady J, amongst others, helped pick it out. She got one as well, although there was much more fanfare and general whining when she got hers. haha... She ripped holes the plastic hygienic chair liner. Really, when you're wondering about hygiene issues in a tattoo parlor, is the chair liner really a concern? The Dimwit would much rather them focus on the needles and such that are being plunged into flesh.

Linkage is certified Dolphin Safe... usually...

1) Entire cities, created with poker chips... novel idea...
2) Safety first kids, safety first.
3) If you're THIS stupid, you tend to get what's coming to you...
4) "Look 'dad' (if that's your real name), keep up the crappy Christmas presents, and next time I use a ninja throwing star..."
5) The Dimwit tried this once, but didn't make it out of the driveway... He was drunk too at the time, but that's not the real story here... 6 miles... he made it 6 miles!!!!!!

Regretfully, The Dimwit is acknowledging that American Idol is returning to the airwaves soon. He will be dedicating some time each week to ridicule at least one contestant endlessly. Every year there this is one contestant that grates on his last nerve and this year he plans on releasing the anger before it becomes the preface to an episode of City Confidential on A&E detailing the bloody trail of former musical "talent" that the Dimwit saved this world from having to endure...

Past irritators include Clay Aiken, Sanjaya Malakar, last year's runner up David "Golly Gee, Look At Me I'm an Idiot with an IQ of 7" Archuleta, and current country superstar Carrie Underwood. Sorry to all you country fans who think Carrie Underwood is the Second Coming... but she is horrible. Every song sounds the same and she whines her way through some sappy story, mercifully ending just before The Dimwit drives himself into a telephone pole whether he is actually in a car or not.

Supposedly they are going to focus more on the actual talent during the auditions, rather than showing America all the freaks and weirdos who show up for some reason unknown to the rest of humanity. So, in The Dimwit's humble opinion, the shows should be pretty short, as there is not much talent left in America. And definitely not any talent that The Dimwit feels is necessary to make his idol.

Alright, that's the last mention of American Idol until after the show starts and he finds the target for his inner Anti-Idol rage.

And to Lady J, enjoy your trip to the land down under... where women glow and men plunder...

Have a great day all you Brigadiers.