Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Wednesday... Happy New Year's Eve

The Dimwit wishes all a happy new year. He'll be taking a hiatus until the 5th, so you'll be stuck without him once again for a brief while. Get over it...

The Dimwit talks frequently throughout the day with Lady J using this new-fangled "Yahoo Messenger" which comes in handy, much easier than emailing back and forth you know... Anyways, in their conversation yesterday Lady J was, shall we say, "bored" at work and was eating a cookie. Not just any ordinary cookie, but according to Lady J it was a 1/2 pound Santa cookie. She gave a running play by play of each bite, describing exactly what part of Santa she was eating. Naturally, this led into some rather immature and quite funny remarks referencing Santa's package, and eventual lack thereof. Along with other random and off the wall subject matter, the Dimwit concluded that if an outsider was reading their conversation, they may very well come to the conclusion that they were two "mentally challenged" folks having a wonder banter online.

*The Dimwit selects a fine looking soapbox and steps upon it.*
On a side note, the Dimwit wants to know why "retarded" is no longer PC. If one is to look at the literal definition: To cause to move or proceed slowly; delay or impede... one would see that this is an accurate descriptor for someone whose mental capacities are slowed, delayed or impeded. Now the Dimwit certainly doesn't advocate yelling "Hey, retard!" to get someones attention, but certainly the phrase "mentally retarded" isn't SO inaccurate that it cannot be used for description of someone who is slower mentally than the norm.
*The Dimwit steps down from the soap box and returns to regular blog mode.*

Here is a short excerpt from their latest chat...

The Dimwit: i swear... outside observers would think we're mentally handicapped
Lady J: I sense another blog
Lady J: Santa has a big beard

The Dimwit: hahaha... The Dimwit breaks down Lady J's molestation of Santa...
Lady J: LMAO
Lady J: the red icing tastes funny though
Lady J: it haz spraklez.
The Dimwit: fascinated and easily distracted by flashy objects? check
Lady J: weee!
The Dimwit: random non-linear thought processes? check
Lady J: I lost the remote
Lady J: hrm

The Dimwit: conversation centered around food, bodily functions, and sex? check
Lady J: sex?
Lady J: where?
The Dimwit: fixation on sexual topics? check
Lady J: aw
Lady J: jerk
Lady J: the wikipedia definition of sex is boring
Lady J: it's more about gender
The Dimwit: i'm just going through the "are we mentally retarded?" checklist...
Lady J: oh
Lady J: is there a site for that?
The Dimwit: no, i'm making them up as i go... self-diagnosis and all...
Lady J: oh.
Lady J: darn.
Lady J: now I want to pass out
Lady J: just waitng for the sugar to kick in
The Dimwit: i WANT another cup of coffee... but i'm about to leave in a bit and me high on caffiene and driving = another speeding ticket
Lady J: weeeee!
The Dimwit: YAY!
Lady J: lol
Lady J: there is glitter all over my computer now
Lady J: you know that canned air spray you use to clean keyboards?

Lady J: omg dude
Lady J: it has a taste
Lady J: I cleaned my keyboard, tappetiy tap
Lady J: then went and ate something
Lady J: and this FUNK was on my fingers

The Dimwit: lol... only you Lady J... only you

So, there you go, that's the kind of conversations they have on a daily basis. Alright, enough of this drivel, on to the (play the music) LINKAGE!!!!

1) The Dimwit thinks this may just be the most awesomely worst video he's ever seen. The roommate subjected him to it and The Dimwit is scarred for life. WARNING: Mildly NSFW, contains subject matter not suitable for... well... anyone, but somehow you're still going to click it and watch.
2) Check out the awesome new spacecrafts designed to replace the shuttle.
3) Some pretty cool lamps... the Dimwit digs the one that looks like a big worm with legs...
4) You call that a knife? This is a knife...
5) Another sign the Apocalypse is near...
6) And The Dimwit ends it all with this cool little video...

The Dimwit will see you all next year! Party like it's 2009, baby! Oh YA!!!!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Sloth-like on Tuesday

The Dimwit is moving even more slowly than normal. He really shouldn't be blogging before his first cup of coffee...

To protect the guilty... some names have been changed... ok, so only one name, but it's been changed and you don't know which one it is!!!!

So the Dimwit must share a story, as it became the highlight of his evening last night and bears repeating. The setting: downtown Houston. The characters: Sean - a cool Asian fellow, Lady J - a wonderful friend in her early 20's, Cosette, the Dimwit - the coolest guy in the world, and a lonely Irishman by the name of Larry - who is in his mid 50's-ish... After a couple of martini's at Reserve 101, which the Dimwit doesn't have a very high opinion of, our small group decided some food was in order. Little did we know that Lonely Larry, here forth referred to as LL couldn't handle a martini (there was no way he had more than one while we were there, unless he was also a leprechaun and magically imbibed two or more in the brief time we were there). The first choice of restaurant had an hour and fifteen minute wait, so we rambled on down the streets of downtown in search of food.

Meanwhile, LL follows close behind rambling such things as "I can't keep up, my feet are too short." Upon reaching a crosswalk, LL catches up to the rest of us. Sean, a man of obvious Asian decent, crosses against the light while the rest of us wait for, you know, cars to stop going through the intersection. Whilst Lady J and the Dimwit berate Sean (now on the other side of the street) for crossing illegally, LL offers this input "Sean doesn't know what he's doing, he's a foreigner!" at the top of his lungs. We then point out that Sean was born in America, and were informed by LL that "We can't trust him because he's... got funky hair." Now, mind you, we're in the middle of downtown Houston, at 7:30pm. We then pass a restaurant where a house salad was $12, and we decline to even try to eat there. This leads to the following comment from LL, "Lady J, if you were my girlfriend, we'd go to nice places like that all the time." Oh, the Dimwit tells you, if you could have seen the look on Lady J's face...

Upon reaching a Subway, which was about the only place we could find that was still open, we notice that the only other customers are a group of about 7 cops. We tell LL to keep his trap shut. This doesn't happen. As we walk through the door, LL slurs something along the lines of "Ewersaskshhh... I dont lika subwayzzzzz.... lez go back toooo the nice playzzzz..." We ignore him. He proceeds to complain. Then again, "Lady J, if you were my girlfriend, we'd be eating something nice tonight." To which Lady J responds assertively "Well, I'm not."

Now, the Dimwit missed part of the conversation while he was ordering his Chicken Florentine on flat bread, which he whole heartedly recommends... but when he sits down at the table Lady J is explaining to LL, "Yea, that's right, I'm a lesbian. I'm gay. Yep, I'm divorced and I hate men." The Dimwit just about shot Chicken Florentine out his nose. LL is intrigued, more so than when he though Lady J was straight. But apparently drunken LL doesn't quite get it... as he then pronounces to the entire crowd at Subway "I LOVE BI-SEXUAL WOMEN". The Dimwit just about loses it again, containing his laughter only by biting his lip. Sean quips "Can I leave now?" as he tried to disappear under the table. The Dimwit mouths the words "Take me with you!" as an earnest plea to Sean. Lady J and Cosette do not appreciate attempts at such humor.

Finally, we finish our food and start the long walk back to Reserve 101. Sean walks about 20 feet ahead of the rest of us to avoid any further awkwardness. Meanwhile Lady J has to keep up the lesbian act by walking arm-in-arm with Cosette. Well, there you go, that was the Dimwit's evening.

Linkage? You people want linkage too?????? You get a great story and then you want linkage? Fine, but you're pressing your luck!

1) Definitely cool. Want to see what a year looks like in 40 seconds?
2) JibJab does their annual year-in-review... kinda funny...
3) Here's a link to the first pictures from the set of Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. The Dimwit is excited, mainly because it means more Megan Fox... err... um... he means more really cool robots!
4)
Classic Will Ferrell.
5) The Landlord

There you go people. The public wants it, the public gets it! You demand... The Dimwit supplies.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Monday Monday Monday

The Dimwit is swamped and profusely apologizes for the lack of bloggage and linkage in the past few weeks. Freakin' work...

The Dimwit was confronted by a writer friend, as to the reasons behind the switch from first to third person view point. The Dimwit considers it his artistic license to switch between the two as he sees fit, even if it causes this writer friend to go into a conniption. Actually, he anticipates a smart comment or two from her regarding this particular blog... but so be it...

Alright, The Dimwit owes you some linkage... and linkage you will get...

1) He's found the perfect T-Shirt for Kevin... the alcoholic slut that Kev is... (enter AWESOMER as a coupon code for a 15% discount if you want one of these!)
2) Gotta love this guy... take THAT you pesky teenagers!
3) Ok, so you'd look like a total dweeb, but your iPod would always be charged!
4) Check out this guy's stuff. Very artisic and cool... He get's a thumbs up from the Dimwit!
5) The Dimwit started crying when this wasn't under the Christmas tree this year... maybe next year...
6) Vrooom... Vroooom... The Dimwit could never pay off all the speeding tickets he'd get with this bad boy...
7) Thanks to woofrickenhoo on this one... The Dimwit backs... or fronts... the advancement of this product by all means necessary... this one product combines all that is good and wonderful... alcohol and well, see for yourself...


Ok the Dimwit was going to try and add to this list, but after #7 he doesn't think there's anything else he can say today to improve on this blog... Good afternoon everyone, and he'll hopefully get the time to try this whole "blog" thing again tomorrow...

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Thursday's Musings

So the Dimwit was watching this show last night, Flight of the Conchords. It's HILARIOUS... in a dry, British comedy kind of way. The Dimwit puts his full support towards everyone checking this show out.

The Dimwit is tired. So he's going to go do some work... or just take a nap under his desk, whichever one he can get away with...

Oh, and tomorrow is the Dimwit's Friday off from the joy-sucking drudgery that pays the bills. Does anyone actually "love" their job? The Dimwit doubts it.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Hump Day!

Alright, you aren't getting any linkage today... just deal with it. Things have gotten a little crazy around here at work. Apparently these morons in Singapore let 4 months of work pile up on their desk and the Dimwit get to clean up their mess. So, as much as he had wanted to get back to a regular posting of linkage, it just hasn't happened.

So, he will keep pushing on, trying to get it all completed. There was some talk yesterday about the Dimwit being sent to Saudi Arabia. The Dimwit didn't like the conversation he had with HR, but he was informed this morning that the position he was being considered for was an 18-month post, however they had filled the position already.

The Dimwit is ready for the holidays, mainly to get a few extra days off work, but also to spend some time with family and friends.

Hopefully things at work will settle down soon enough and the Dimwit can research some quality linkage for you all soon. Remember, no linkage is better than crappy linkage.

Peace out... and word to your mother...

Friday, December 12, 2008

Fabulous Friday

Good Friday all... the Dimwit returns, although with the mountain of paperwork on his desk, he really should be concentrating on more important things... meh...

He knows the last two weeks have been sporatic, and we're being generous in describing it that way, but he has pledged to return to full-force, in your face linkage. OK, so without further ado, we'll proceed with what you ACTUALLY come to the blog for...

1) For those of you who love great inspirational speeches from the movies...
2) If Star Wars was made before the advent of "talkies"...
3) Forget anything The Dimwit ever mentioned regarding gift ideas... He wants one, He wants one, He wants one... This would keep those damned kids from riding their bikes across his front yard for sure... Wait, when did he become his dad????
4) The Dimwit has found it. The clearest example of what is expected of the next Mrs. Dimwit. Daily lunches, mixed with art and nostalgia. And the Dimwit wonders why he's single... damned by his lofty expectations...
5) The Dimwit is somewhat shamed to report this, but he has a guilty pleasure and well, it's called American Idol. But the Dimwit praises TV execs for finally making some MUCH needed changes to the overall format.
6) The Dimwit apologizes, but Princess Leia has not aged well... she looks nothing like the Princess Leia he remembers so fondly. Let's just pretend we're permanently stuck in 1983...
7) So beautiful... the Dimwit would PROUDLY wear this to work (in downtown Houston mind you) should he own it...
8) Anyone with this much time on their hands, well they need to be systematically removed from the gene pool... sorry, people, survival of the fittest, only the strong survive and all that other evolutionary crap...

Ok, the Dimwit is getting light headed from all the awesomeness he is exuding. By the way, woofrickenhoo is playing paint ball tomorrow, and The Dimwit FULLY supports her in her attempt to attack a certain friend, even by mass ambush. Good luck and The Dimwit wishes he were there to see it all happen!

Have a great weekend everyone! See you on the other side, hopefully sober and full of energy for a glorious Monday...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

He's back... ish... It's Wednesday... and work sucks...

Alright, it's Wednesday... work sucks... and the Dimwit needs to blow off a little steam by blogging. He knows you all have missed him incredibly, he does wonder himself how you all were able to manage without him. He is sure many have resorted to illegal drug use, or at least heavy drinking. Don't worry, it won't be long before he is back full time. He will not pay for your rehab either, so don't even ask. OK, linkage... you want it? You got it!

1) Guys, take heed.
2) Damn it... the Dimwit has so many plans to rehash after seeing this plot fail...
3) Once again, for those who STILL haven't gotten their Christmas gift for The Dimwit, he can only offer so many suggestions...
4) The Dimwit plans a full assault... cubes 1784 through 1797 are going to have no clue what hit them... just wait... keep it up you Engineering bozos...
5) This is pretty cool... nothing like mixing wine and darts...
6) Ninjas... you never know when they will attack.... your refrigerator....
7) Even super heroes grow old... The Dimwit would pay to see this on the street somewhere, or in Walmart...
8) $700 for some cuff links???? You're freakin' kidding me. Those cuff links better get a guy some action, like serious Katherine Heigl/Megan Fox kinda action...

For my lady readers, sorry the Dimwit has no hunky GQ guys to put up on this site. He could put some shirtless pics of himself up, but he likes repeat readers...

Have a great rest of the week! Hopefully this isn't the Dimwit's last/only post of the week!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Is it Wednesday Already????

Hey everyone, the Dimwit has been struck down with a horrible infection. He spent literally all day Tuesday asleep, and most of today. He went to the doc again today (after a HORRID ER trip Monday night) and got a real diagnosis. The Dimwit still has some more blood work to get done tomorrow, but it may be a little while before he gets back to the daily linkage. His Inbox at work is overflowing, so that may hinder me as well. Take care and he'll get back to you all as soon as possible!

The Dimwit

Monday, December 1, 2008

Mondays SUCK

The Dimwit feels like crap this morning. So you're not getting much from him.

1) Woofrickenhoo will love this.
2) This would put an end-all to any debate...
3) For those of you who the Dimwit hasn't pestered about it yet... haha, here is his new TV that will arrive on Friday! He can't wait!

So for those who are interested, the Dimwit will probably be buying "The Dark Knight" on Blu-Ray on 12/9, and shortly thereafter he will be throwing a movie watching party on the spiffy new TV. The Dimwit's thinking of doing a Dessert & Port party, where people bring their favorite dessert or dessert wine to eat and drink while watching the movie.

Alright everyone, the Dimwit must get to work on feeling better... you work on having a productive Monday.