Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Sloth-like on Tuesday

The Dimwit is moving even more slowly than normal. He really shouldn't be blogging before his first cup of coffee...

To protect the guilty... some names have been changed... ok, so only one name, but it's been changed and you don't know which one it is!!!!

So the Dimwit must share a story, as it became the highlight of his evening last night and bears repeating. The setting: downtown Houston. The characters: Sean - a cool Asian fellow, Lady J - a wonderful friend in her early 20's, Cosette, the Dimwit - the coolest guy in the world, and a lonely Irishman by the name of Larry - who is in his mid 50's-ish... After a couple of martini's at Reserve 101, which the Dimwit doesn't have a very high opinion of, our small group decided some food was in order. Little did we know that Lonely Larry, here forth referred to as LL couldn't handle a martini (there was no way he had more than one while we were there, unless he was also a leprechaun and magically imbibed two or more in the brief time we were there). The first choice of restaurant had an hour and fifteen minute wait, so we rambled on down the streets of downtown in search of food.

Meanwhile, LL follows close behind rambling such things as "I can't keep up, my feet are too short." Upon reaching a crosswalk, LL catches up to the rest of us. Sean, a man of obvious Asian decent, crosses against the light while the rest of us wait for, you know, cars to stop going through the intersection. Whilst Lady J and the Dimwit berate Sean (now on the other side of the street) for crossing illegally, LL offers this input "Sean doesn't know what he's doing, he's a foreigner!" at the top of his lungs. We then point out that Sean was born in America, and were informed by LL that "We can't trust him because he's... got funky hair." Now, mind you, we're in the middle of downtown Houston, at 7:30pm. We then pass a restaurant where a house salad was $12, and we decline to even try to eat there. This leads to the following comment from LL, "Lady J, if you were my girlfriend, we'd go to nice places like that all the time." Oh, the Dimwit tells you, if you could have seen the look on Lady J's face...

Upon reaching a Subway, which was about the only place we could find that was still open, we notice that the only other customers are a group of about 7 cops. We tell LL to keep his trap shut. This doesn't happen. As we walk through the door, LL slurs something along the lines of "Ewersaskshhh... I dont lika subwayzzzzz.... lez go back toooo the nice playzzzz..." We ignore him. He proceeds to complain. Then again, "Lady J, if you were my girlfriend, we'd be eating something nice tonight." To which Lady J responds assertively "Well, I'm not."

Now, the Dimwit missed part of the conversation while he was ordering his Chicken Florentine on flat bread, which he whole heartedly recommends... but when he sits down at the table Lady J is explaining to LL, "Yea, that's right, I'm a lesbian. I'm gay. Yep, I'm divorced and I hate men." The Dimwit just about shot Chicken Florentine out his nose. LL is intrigued, more so than when he though Lady J was straight. But apparently drunken LL doesn't quite get it... as he then pronounces to the entire crowd at Subway "I LOVE BI-SEXUAL WOMEN". The Dimwit just about loses it again, containing his laughter only by biting his lip. Sean quips "Can I leave now?" as he tried to disappear under the table. The Dimwit mouths the words "Take me with you!" as an earnest plea to Sean. Lady J and Cosette do not appreciate attempts at such humor.

Finally, we finish our food and start the long walk back to Reserve 101. Sean walks about 20 feet ahead of the rest of us to avoid any further awkwardness. Meanwhile Lady J has to keep up the lesbian act by walking arm-in-arm with Cosette. Well, there you go, that was the Dimwit's evening.

Linkage? You people want linkage too?????? You get a great story and then you want linkage? Fine, but you're pressing your luck!

1) Definitely cool. Want to see what a year looks like in 40 seconds?
2) JibJab does their annual year-in-review... kinda funny...
3) Here's a link to the first pictures from the set of Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. The Dimwit is excited, mainly because it means more Megan Fox... err... um... he means more really cool robots!
Classic Will Ferrell.
5) The Landlord

There you go people. The public wants it, the public gets it! You demand... The Dimwit supplies.

1 comment:

  1. I have never seen Sean so visibly uncomfortable! You know the cops were checking me out...I kind of hoped they heard me say I was gay. Muahhahah