Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Wednesday... Happy New Year's Eve

The Dimwit wishes all a happy new year. He'll be taking a hiatus until the 5th, so you'll be stuck without him once again for a brief while. Get over it...

The Dimwit talks frequently throughout the day with Lady J using this new-fangled "Yahoo Messenger" which comes in handy, much easier than emailing back and forth you know... Anyways, in their conversation yesterday Lady J was, shall we say, "bored" at work and was eating a cookie. Not just any ordinary cookie, but according to Lady J it was a 1/2 pound Santa cookie. She gave a running play by play of each bite, describing exactly what part of Santa she was eating. Naturally, this led into some rather immature and quite funny remarks referencing Santa's package, and eventual lack thereof. Along with other random and off the wall subject matter, the Dimwit concluded that if an outsider was reading their conversation, they may very well come to the conclusion that they were two "mentally challenged" folks having a wonder banter online.

*The Dimwit selects a fine looking soapbox and steps upon it.*
On a side note, the Dimwit wants to know why "retarded" is no longer PC. If one is to look at the literal definition: To cause to move or proceed slowly; delay or impede... one would see that this is an accurate descriptor for someone whose mental capacities are slowed, delayed or impeded. Now the Dimwit certainly doesn't advocate yelling "Hey, retard!" to get someones attention, but certainly the phrase "mentally retarded" isn't SO inaccurate that it cannot be used for description of someone who is slower mentally than the norm.
*The Dimwit steps down from the soap box and returns to regular blog mode.*

Here is a short excerpt from their latest chat...

The Dimwit: i swear... outside observers would think we're mentally handicapped
Lady J: I sense another blog
Lady J: Santa has a big beard

The Dimwit: hahaha... The Dimwit breaks down Lady J's molestation of Santa...
Lady J: LMAO
Lady J: the red icing tastes funny though
Lady J: it haz spraklez.
The Dimwit: fascinated and easily distracted by flashy objects? check
Lady J: weee!
The Dimwit: random non-linear thought processes? check
Lady J: I lost the remote
Lady J: hrm

The Dimwit: conversation centered around food, bodily functions, and sex? check
Lady J: sex?
Lady J: where?
The Dimwit: fixation on sexual topics? check
Lady J: aw
Lady J: jerk
Lady J: the wikipedia definition of sex is boring
Lady J: it's more about gender
The Dimwit: i'm just going through the "are we mentally retarded?" checklist...
Lady J: oh
Lady J: is there a site for that?
The Dimwit: no, i'm making them up as i go... self-diagnosis and all...
Lady J: oh.
Lady J: darn.
Lady J: now I want to pass out
Lady J: just waitng for the sugar to kick in
The Dimwit: i WANT another cup of coffee... but i'm about to leave in a bit and me high on caffiene and driving = another speeding ticket
Lady J: weeeee!
The Dimwit: YAY!
Lady J: lol
Lady J: there is glitter all over my computer now
Lady J: you know that canned air spray you use to clean keyboards?

Lady J: omg dude
Lady J: it has a taste
Lady J: I cleaned my keyboard, tappetiy tap
Lady J: then went and ate something
Lady J: and this FUNK was on my fingers

The Dimwit: lol... only you Lady J... only you

So, there you go, that's the kind of conversations they have on a daily basis. Alright, enough of this drivel, on to the (play the music) LINKAGE!!!!

1) The Dimwit thinks this may just be the most awesomely worst video he's ever seen. The roommate subjected him to it and The Dimwit is scarred for life. WARNING: Mildly NSFW, contains subject matter not suitable for... well... anyone, but somehow you're still going to click it and watch.
2) Check out the awesome new spacecrafts designed to replace the shuttle.
3) Some pretty cool lamps... the Dimwit digs the one that looks like a big worm with legs...
4) You call that a knife? This is a knife...
5) Another sign the Apocalypse is near...
6) And The Dimwit ends it all with this cool little video...

The Dimwit will see you all next year! Party like it's 2009, baby! Oh YA!!!!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Sloth-like on Tuesday

The Dimwit is moving even more slowly than normal. He really shouldn't be blogging before his first cup of coffee...

To protect the guilty... some names have been changed... ok, so only one name, but it's been changed and you don't know which one it is!!!!

So the Dimwit must share a story, as it became the highlight of his evening last night and bears repeating. The setting: downtown Houston. The characters: Sean - a cool Asian fellow, Lady J - a wonderful friend in her early 20's, Cosette, the Dimwit - the coolest guy in the world, and a lonely Irishman by the name of Larry - who is in his mid 50's-ish... After a couple of martini's at Reserve 101, which the Dimwit doesn't have a very high opinion of, our small group decided some food was in order. Little did we know that Lonely Larry, here forth referred to as LL couldn't handle a martini (there was no way he had more than one while we were there, unless he was also a leprechaun and magically imbibed two or more in the brief time we were there). The first choice of restaurant had an hour and fifteen minute wait, so we rambled on down the streets of downtown in search of food.

Meanwhile, LL follows close behind rambling such things as "I can't keep up, my feet are too short." Upon reaching a crosswalk, LL catches up to the rest of us. Sean, a man of obvious Asian decent, crosses against the light while the rest of us wait for, you know, cars to stop going through the intersection. Whilst Lady J and the Dimwit berate Sean (now on the other side of the street) for crossing illegally, LL offers this input "Sean doesn't know what he's doing, he's a foreigner!" at the top of his lungs. We then point out that Sean was born in America, and were informed by LL that "We can't trust him because he's... got funky hair." Now, mind you, we're in the middle of downtown Houston, at 7:30pm. We then pass a restaurant where a house salad was $12, and we decline to even try to eat there. This leads to the following comment from LL, "Lady J, if you were my girlfriend, we'd go to nice places like that all the time." Oh, the Dimwit tells you, if you could have seen the look on Lady J's face...

Upon reaching a Subway, which was about the only place we could find that was still open, we notice that the only other customers are a group of about 7 cops. We tell LL to keep his trap shut. This doesn't happen. As we walk through the door, LL slurs something along the lines of "Ewersaskshhh... I dont lika subwayzzzzz.... lez go back toooo the nice playzzzz..." We ignore him. He proceeds to complain. Then again, "Lady J, if you were my girlfriend, we'd be eating something nice tonight." To which Lady J responds assertively "Well, I'm not."

Now, the Dimwit missed part of the conversation while he was ordering his Chicken Florentine on flat bread, which he whole heartedly recommends... but when he sits down at the table Lady J is explaining to LL, "Yea, that's right, I'm a lesbian. I'm gay. Yep, I'm divorced and I hate men." The Dimwit just about shot Chicken Florentine out his nose. LL is intrigued, more so than when he though Lady J was straight. But apparently drunken LL doesn't quite get it... as he then pronounces to the entire crowd at Subway "I LOVE BI-SEXUAL WOMEN". The Dimwit just about loses it again, containing his laughter only by biting his lip. Sean quips "Can I leave now?" as he tried to disappear under the table. The Dimwit mouths the words "Take me with you!" as an earnest plea to Sean. Lady J and Cosette do not appreciate attempts at such humor.

Finally, we finish our food and start the long walk back to Reserve 101. Sean walks about 20 feet ahead of the rest of us to avoid any further awkwardness. Meanwhile Lady J has to keep up the lesbian act by walking arm-in-arm with Cosette. Well, there you go, that was the Dimwit's evening.

Linkage? You people want linkage too?????? You get a great story and then you want linkage? Fine, but you're pressing your luck!

1) Definitely cool. Want to see what a year looks like in 40 seconds?
2) JibJab does their annual year-in-review... kinda funny...
3) Here's a link to the first pictures from the set of Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. The Dimwit is excited, mainly because it means more Megan Fox... err... um... he means more really cool robots!
4)
Classic Will Ferrell.
5) The Landlord

There you go people. The public wants it, the public gets it! You demand... The Dimwit supplies.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Monday Monday Monday

The Dimwit is swamped and profusely apologizes for the lack of bloggage and linkage in the past few weeks. Freakin' work...

The Dimwit was confronted by a writer friend, as to the reasons behind the switch from first to third person view point. The Dimwit considers it his artistic license to switch between the two as he sees fit, even if it causes this writer friend to go into a conniption. Actually, he anticipates a smart comment or two from her regarding this particular blog... but so be it...

Alright, The Dimwit owes you some linkage... and linkage you will get...

1) He's found the perfect T-Shirt for Kevin... the alcoholic slut that Kev is... (enter AWESOMER as a coupon code for a 15% discount if you want one of these!)
2) Gotta love this guy... take THAT you pesky teenagers!
3) Ok, so you'd look like a total dweeb, but your iPod would always be charged!
4) Check out this guy's stuff. Very artisic and cool... He get's a thumbs up from the Dimwit!
5) The Dimwit started crying when this wasn't under the Christmas tree this year... maybe next year...
6) Vrooom... Vroooom... The Dimwit could never pay off all the speeding tickets he'd get with this bad boy...
7) Thanks to woofrickenhoo on this one... The Dimwit backs... or fronts... the advancement of this product by all means necessary... this one product combines all that is good and wonderful... alcohol and well, see for yourself...


Ok the Dimwit was going to try and add to this list, but after #7 he doesn't think there's anything else he can say today to improve on this blog... Good afternoon everyone, and he'll hopefully get the time to try this whole "blog" thing again tomorrow...

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Thursday's Musings

So the Dimwit was watching this show last night, Flight of the Conchords. It's HILARIOUS... in a dry, British comedy kind of way. The Dimwit puts his full support towards everyone checking this show out.

The Dimwit is tired. So he's going to go do some work... or just take a nap under his desk, whichever one he can get away with...

Oh, and tomorrow is the Dimwit's Friday off from the joy-sucking drudgery that pays the bills. Does anyone actually "love" their job? The Dimwit doubts it.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Hump Day!

Alright, you aren't getting any linkage today... just deal with it. Things have gotten a little crazy around here at work. Apparently these morons in Singapore let 4 months of work pile up on their desk and the Dimwit get to clean up their mess. So, as much as he had wanted to get back to a regular posting of linkage, it just hasn't happened.

So, he will keep pushing on, trying to get it all completed. There was some talk yesterday about the Dimwit being sent to Saudi Arabia. The Dimwit didn't like the conversation he had with HR, but he was informed this morning that the position he was being considered for was an 18-month post, however they had filled the position already.

The Dimwit is ready for the holidays, mainly to get a few extra days off work, but also to spend some time with family and friends.

Hopefully things at work will settle down soon enough and the Dimwit can research some quality linkage for you all soon. Remember, no linkage is better than crappy linkage.

Peace out... and word to your mother...

Friday, December 12, 2008

Fabulous Friday

Good Friday all... the Dimwit returns, although with the mountain of paperwork on his desk, he really should be concentrating on more important things... meh...

He knows the last two weeks have been sporatic, and we're being generous in describing it that way, but he has pledged to return to full-force, in your face linkage. OK, so without further ado, we'll proceed with what you ACTUALLY come to the blog for...

1) For those of you who love great inspirational speeches from the movies...
2) If Star Wars was made before the advent of "talkies"...
3) Forget anything The Dimwit ever mentioned regarding gift ideas... He wants one, He wants one, He wants one... This would keep those damned kids from riding their bikes across his front yard for sure... Wait, when did he become his dad????
4) The Dimwit has found it. The clearest example of what is expected of the next Mrs. Dimwit. Daily lunches, mixed with art and nostalgia. And the Dimwit wonders why he's single... damned by his lofty expectations...
5) The Dimwit is somewhat shamed to report this, but he has a guilty pleasure and well, it's called American Idol. But the Dimwit praises TV execs for finally making some MUCH needed changes to the overall format.
6) The Dimwit apologizes, but Princess Leia has not aged well... she looks nothing like the Princess Leia he remembers so fondly. Let's just pretend we're permanently stuck in 1983...
7) So beautiful... the Dimwit would PROUDLY wear this to work (in downtown Houston mind you) should he own it...
8) Anyone with this much time on their hands, well they need to be systematically removed from the gene pool... sorry, people, survival of the fittest, only the strong survive and all that other evolutionary crap...

Ok, the Dimwit is getting light headed from all the awesomeness he is exuding. By the way, woofrickenhoo is playing paint ball tomorrow, and The Dimwit FULLY supports her in her attempt to attack a certain friend, even by mass ambush. Good luck and The Dimwit wishes he were there to see it all happen!

Have a great weekend everyone! See you on the other side, hopefully sober and full of energy for a glorious Monday...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

He's back... ish... It's Wednesday... and work sucks...

Alright, it's Wednesday... work sucks... and the Dimwit needs to blow off a little steam by blogging. He knows you all have missed him incredibly, he does wonder himself how you all were able to manage without him. He is sure many have resorted to illegal drug use, or at least heavy drinking. Don't worry, it won't be long before he is back full time. He will not pay for your rehab either, so don't even ask. OK, linkage... you want it? You got it!

1) Guys, take heed.
2) Damn it... the Dimwit has so many plans to rehash after seeing this plot fail...
3) Once again, for those who STILL haven't gotten their Christmas gift for The Dimwit, he can only offer so many suggestions...
4) The Dimwit plans a full assault... cubes 1784 through 1797 are going to have no clue what hit them... just wait... keep it up you Engineering bozos...
5) This is pretty cool... nothing like mixing wine and darts...
6) Ninjas... you never know when they will attack.... your refrigerator....
7) Even super heroes grow old... The Dimwit would pay to see this on the street somewhere, or in Walmart...
8) $700 for some cuff links???? You're freakin' kidding me. Those cuff links better get a guy some action, like serious Katherine Heigl/Megan Fox kinda action...

For my lady readers, sorry the Dimwit has no hunky GQ guys to put up on this site. He could put some shirtless pics of himself up, but he likes repeat readers...

Have a great rest of the week! Hopefully this isn't the Dimwit's last/only post of the week!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Is it Wednesday Already????

Hey everyone, the Dimwit has been struck down with a horrible infection. He spent literally all day Tuesday asleep, and most of today. He went to the doc again today (after a HORRID ER trip Monday night) and got a real diagnosis. The Dimwit still has some more blood work to get done tomorrow, but it may be a little while before he gets back to the daily linkage. His Inbox at work is overflowing, so that may hinder me as well. Take care and he'll get back to you all as soon as possible!

The Dimwit

Monday, December 1, 2008

Mondays SUCK

The Dimwit feels like crap this morning. So you're not getting much from him.

1) Woofrickenhoo will love this.
2) This would put an end-all to any debate...
3) For those of you who the Dimwit hasn't pestered about it yet... haha, here is his new TV that will arrive on Friday! He can't wait!

So for those who are interested, the Dimwit will probably be buying "The Dark Knight" on Blu-Ray on 12/9, and shortly thereafter he will be throwing a movie watching party on the spiffy new TV. The Dimwit's thinking of doing a Dessert & Port party, where people bring their favorite dessert or dessert wine to eat and drink while watching the movie.

Alright everyone, the Dimwit must get to work on feeling better... you work on having a productive Monday.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Wednesday... fully ready to give thanks... and over-induldge...

Good golly I am in pain. I did this crazy thing called "Zumba" last night. Let me tell you, if you want a cardio work out mixed with a little bit of Satan, go to Zumba. For all you aerobic work out freeks, this is the class for you.

After Zumba, we did another first for the Dim Wit: Sushi. I know, I know, it goes against the very fiber of my being but I decided it was time I gave it a shot. So, I ordered the "Albacore with Fried Onion" which caught my eye mainly because I knew Albacore was tuna and I like tuna, plus in the description it said it was "seared" which, to my knowledge, equated to cooked. Not only was I wrong, but it came out cold with the fried onions being at slighly-above-room-temperature. It wasn't bad, I ate it without any problems in my normal fashion. Additionally, I tried something else I liked, flavored Saki. I had never had Saki before, and I was pleasantly surprised.

Then Nadia, who I considered a good friend up until this moment, offered me a piece of her "catepillar roll". It had avacado, which I love, and some eel. I figured I only live once so what-the-hell. I was wrong in such reasoning. It was like chewing on a big ball of snot. I choked it down, only gagging on it once. For some reason, I was still feeling adventurous. Stop now and cut my losses? Hogwash! Nadia offered me another piece in an attempt to save our friendship. This time it was something called tempura, she said it was fried something-or-other and I figured since it wasn't eel and it WAS fried there was no way it would be another snot ball. So I dipped it in some soy sauce, closed my eyes and went for it. I was pleasantly surprised. It was good. So overall, I'd give my Sushi experience a solid B+, with the catepillar roll putting only a slight damper on the evening.

Alright alright alright, I know you people want your linkage... settle down because I do have some great stuff ready for you...

1) I dedicate this one to my buddy Kevin, the alcoholic slut that he is... you rock dude.
2) Ok, back in my day a good farting contest in class only grossed the girls out and got me a stern look from the teacher. What has this world come to?
3) It wouldn't be as funny if it weren't true! Haha!
4) ANYONE who wants to buy me one of these, go for it. And I don't limit it to one person, I have multiple rooms in my home. And girls, if you need an explanation for why guys are all over this, well feel free to leave me a note with your email, I can explain it all. But for those needing further research material, check this out.
5) I want to beat the living daylights out of whoever thought this was a good idea. It must be stopped. Cross-breeding cartoons is dangerous and should be criminally punishable.
6) Freakin' sweet. It mirrors my life almost perfectly.
7) Alright ladies, I will buy you one of these, but I demand it be used at least once a month to provide me pleasure. Get your minds out of the gutter people!
8) Are these ever necessary? No. Would they make great stocking stuffers? Hellz ya! Would they make work a little more interesting? Need I even ask the question...
9) And finally, for all of you who fell just short of your dreams...

Have a wonderful Turkey Day! I won't be blogging tomorrow, I will be too busy shoveling turkey and a wonderous assortment of Thanksgiving goodies down my throat. Then drifting off to Never Never Land as the tryptophan takes a hold of my mind, body and soul. Ahhh, gotta love this time of year.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Tuesday and I'm in need of a laugh.

Alright, we all know what is great for a cheap laugh... LOLCATZ!!!! Mainly because I'm lazy and don't really want to go around the interweb and find a bunch of linkage... and I have a bunch of these stored in my favorites that I want to get cleared out... so here you go... prepare to LOL at LOLCATZ... (and other creatures)...

1) We need more beer...
2) Ok, Monty Python + LOLCATZ = Awesome.
3) Word.
4) Hey sexy...
5) Creepy, just plain creepy...
6) ... I just died in your arms tonight... must have been something you said...
7) Patience my young Padowan.
8) Can anyone else relate to this?
9) This is why I hate cats... because this is their daily process... nasty little fockers...
10) Not an LOLCAT... but seriously, one of the most disturbing things I've seen in a while, just wrong as wrong gets... why do this to that poor puppy???? Then I laughed my ass off for a while...

Have a great Tuesday every one!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Monday... YAY!

Alright, it's Monday and for various reasons I'm feeling great. Three day work weeks have that effect on me. Also, I am looking forward to getting away from some of the regular stress to spend some time with my family Thursday. Not to mention there is a turkey leg with name on it... poor turkey, never saw it coming... one day just roaming around eating turkey feed, the next he's all chopped up and ready to be baked for my appetitic pleasure. Yes, I think I just made up a word, deal with it.

Alright, here we go for some linkage... prepare yourself, it's bound to get pretty awesome before I'm done...

1) Want to see what my daily flow chart looks like? Well here you go...
2) I'll never buy a $7.00 beer again... seriously, why did it take so long, this is great... now I just have to get rid of the actual beer belly to make room for the fake one... doh!
3) I'm sure some of you have seen this already... but something about it really moves me, it's just amazing that one white guy from America was able to do all this. I don't know if it's the music or the unabashed joy on people's faces while they are dancing, but it's pretty cool to watch. Ok, enough of sappy crap...
4) Again, those of you still looking for Christmas gift ideas for the Dimwit... look no further.
5) Wow, why did some big studio not pick this up? This would be an awesome movie. All my people who miss the classic Nintendo fun, check it out.
6) I kinda want to see this movie, but then again I don't. Very eerie subject matter, but it's about time someone took an objective look at the subject without throwing in a right vs. wrong opinion on it based on tradition or religion. So, yea, I'll probably see if I can NetFlix it or whatever.
7) Ok, seriously, everybody... Wang Chung Tonight!
8) I find this freakin' hilarious. Seriously, if you're the type of person to misplace your cell phone, don't leave naked pictures of your wife on it... and certainly don't sue McDonalds for your own idiocy.

Ok, there you go people... your Monday should go better now that you've gotten your linkage!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Freedom Friday.... b/c I'm not at work... yay!

Good morning/afternoon everyone... I have found my way out of bed and onto the interweb this bright and sunny day... even brighter and sunnier because I'm at my home computer and not anywhere near downtown.

You want linkage?!?!?! You can't handle the linkage!

1) Oh boy, these girls are in need of some serious therapy.
2) Wow, infomercial for the just plain dumb. The interweb is so "magical".
3) USB Man to the rescue!!!!
4) Some interesting art. For those of you who are artsy.
5) Not the most family friendly site, but this is a really good list of the best Will Farrell characters with clips of each one...

Alright, I'm out... have a good weekend!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Thursday... my favorite day of the week.... every other week...

So today is my Thursday masquerading as a Friday since I am off tomorrow. Unfortunately I am crazy busy at work today and won't be able to put much of a post together. I know you are truly disappointed, but certainly you will be able to move forward with you life without my links (most of which you could probably find well enough on your own) so really I'm just passing the buck to you to find your own entertainment for the day.

But here's a couple of links for you to check out, just so you all don't think I'm being totally lazy today...

1) Ordering a pizza? Don't get off the couch, just use TiVo... what's the world coming to?
2) It's about time we get Monty Python on the interweb... Enjoy...

Alright, that's all you're getting... back to work for me... stupid job...

Oh and by the way, my company has asked me if I'd like to spend anywhere from 2 to 18 months in Saudi Arabia... my roommate alleges that they generally do not allow drinking alcohol over there... this could be a problem... no beer? Although some would say, after the Halloween party, *snicker*, that it may be good for me. Further investigation of this allegation is necessary...

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Wednesday... wonderful? Or wonder-awful...

I'm so freakin' tired. Ok, so I went and played "Wallyball" last night... which is played on a racquetball court, with a volleyball net dividing it in two. Well, if you are not coordinated and/or at least competitive in nature, this game isn't for you. We had a crazy lady join us, she was not pleasant to be around and kept yelling at the top of her lungs "I'm ready!" without cause. Then we'd serve it and it would bounce off her head because she has the coordination of a Bourbon Street hobo at 3am during Mardi Gras. Needless to say, our team started aiming for her. The sad part, her own teammates didn't mind us employing this strategy.

Today I have something special for you... an all music video linkage blog...

1) I'm hurt, and I need some healing.... hehe...
2) If I get drunk... well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you. Gotta love Benny & Joon.
3) She blinded me.... with science!
4) Look for the John Stamos cameo... way down in Kokomo...
5) WHAM! Could anyone ever really doubt George Michael's homosexuality after this video? Really? Were people just in THAT much denial in the 80's?
6) Ok, I'm sorry but this is no where near the quality of the original... country music, stop re-doing pop songs and thinking they cross over...
7) My favorite DMB song.
8) HOOTIE!
9) Hootie frontman goes country? Not too shabby...

Alright, I'm stopping there... I'm too lazy this morning to find more...

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

It's Tuesday, but it may as well just be another Monday...

"Good morning" everyone... yes, the quotes are necessary, as I don't really mean "good", I really just am using it as a generic greeting... so yea, there you go... first of all check out my horoscope for the day:

"Let your sense of humor guide you through any sticky situations that might pop up, today. Celebrate the fact that you have a sharper wit than most people by using it every chance you get! With one quick quip, you will be able to get the upper hand without anyone even realizing you took it -- and this will enable you to win any argument without breaking a sweat. The key is to be flexible and patient. You'll have to wait for your perfect moment to strike."

So, don't mess with me today or I'll have to take the upper hand without you even realizing it... I'm very sneaky... Like a ninja crossed with a cobra and a Native American... don't test me... Oh nevermind, I'm too tired for this crap...

LINKAGE!!!!!!
1) For all you Trekkies... I am not one... I think I misspelled Trekkies... who cares?
2) Check out what these people have done with their garages. I'm getting ideas, anyone wanna help transform my garage?
3) My garage would definitely have one of these.
4) Oh wow, just found the desk I'll use once I get my plush corner office.
5) Pretty sweet...
6) YAY! BEER!
7) Seriously, people in Washington D.C. need to read this article. The sky is falling. Literally, and we're all about to die... but the banks will be saved!
8) Gotta love the bearded men and their beardedness.
9) I'm a fan of step 2.
10) NO FETA, OR I KILL YOU! Stupid customers...
11) Give me feedback, how do you like The Daily Dimwit?

Bwahahahahahaha....

So there you go, you got like a double dose of linkage for my unexpected absence yesterday from my blogging duties.

While I am here, I'd like to say that I resent the over simplification of explanations on issues that require greater depth of expression. I will not go into further detail, even if asked, so don't bother asking... as I'll only give you an over simplified explanation on an issue that probably requires greater depth of expression.

And yes, I live in a world filled with Catch-22's and double standards... it's life, deal with it. :-D

Friday, November 14, 2008

Oh Friday, how I've missed you...

Well it's Friday morning and here I am at work. This just doesn't seem right. Luckily it's only 8 hours today. And who knows, I may take some PTO and leave a little early. It all depends on exactly how many people are in the office today. Usually Friday is pretty quiet.

So last night I went to the House of Blues for a "Houston Downtown Young Professionals" fund raiser for Hurricane Ike. My first question was why there were so many 50+ year old people at a "Young Professionals" get together. The second question was where exactly is all this money going that is being raised for Hurrican Ike victims... and how do I get my hands on some. I was a victim... ok, so my house is standing with an intact roof... and I only lost power for about 36 hours, but those were 36 very scary hours, have you been through my neighborhood?

Alright, enough of that... here's your linkage for the day...

1) An impressive milestone indeed.
2) Pretty sweet chair. I'd buy it if I were all kinds of rich and had money to waste.
3) Donkey Kong!
4) I KNEW IT!
5) Just FYI.
6) Anyone else a Strongbad fan? Haha! He's awesome!

Have a happy Friday. Peace out.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Thursday... I've waited for you all week... now that you're here I want you gone...

Good morning. I almost went to bed on time last night, but managed to get 6-7 hours of sleep by my estimates. That's really good by my standards. I tried to watch a little of the Rockets' game last night but that didn't go so well as it didn't start until 9:30pm. So without further ado, here's what you all came for:

1) Dogs may be dumb at times (lick themselves, pee on the floor, etc.) but at least they don't do this.
2) Alright, I want to have a little party where we make these... then try to build something with them. Awesome... (yea yea yea, I know it won't work but it would be fun anyways)...
3) This guy is more of a hero than most of us will ever be...
4) More shirts!!!! Come on, they are funny... admit it!!!

That's all I have for you today... have a good one.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Wednesday... What shall I do tonight????



I'm open to suggestions, I have nothing to do tonight. My laundry is finally caught up, my house is relatively clean, I don't have anything on the calendar... and I don't really feel like sitting at home and twiddling my thumbs... On to the linkage...

1) You have got to be kidding me. Batman? If only I was the mayor of Superman, TX... I'd be rolling in the dough...
2) The most awesome toaster ever.
3) For you Dallas Cowboy fans out there, suck my big toe... your team sucks almost as much as mine does.
4) Therapy will be needed for these three once they learn the truth. Seriously, was there no other option? This certainly couldn't have been safe. And really, who wants to try to explain that to their friends.... "No, really, she's like my mom AND my grandma..." The biggest shock was that this didn't occur in Arkansas...
5) Christmas gift idea for those still wondering, "What does the Dimwit need?"
6) T-shirt? Heck, I want to frame it and put it on my cubicle wall!
WARNING!!!! GRAPHIC CONTENT AHEAD... STOP NOW IF YOU ARE A WIMP!
7) Alright, I'm about to post two photos... I cannot find the weblink, so I'm posting here. The first is just a kid with some scabs on his nose. The second photo is rather graphic and shows how those scabs got there. Please, if you are faint of heart, just close the window now and move along with your day. However, if you want to know why mom and dad always told you never to run with a fork in your hand, see below... ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.... my nose hurts just looking at that photo...


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Tuesday feels like Monday, which feels like CRAP

Alright everyone, I'm not Mr. Sunshine-Up-Your-@$$ this morning, so deal with it... I'm freakin' tired and I blame Kevin and his "Hey, let's go to Austin this weekend and party like crazy on 6th street, shove 6 people in a hotel room and ralf on the floor..." suggestion... although it was AWESOME and I'd totally do it again... but I'm tired as hell and I have to blame someone... And now for what you all have been waiting for... LINKAGE!

1) Haha... Granny talks into the wires...
2) Is that a wrench in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Oh, yea, it's a wrench, now go away before I beat you with it...
3) For you girls and your incessant need for pillows beyond any reasonable number of pillows on a couch/bed/floor/wherever.
4) Political commentary... get ready people, I won't do this often but this story really bothers me. The first thing that bothers me is that there are foreign casinos and bookies who actually take bets on who will be elected president. The second thing that bothers me is these bookies/casinos are withholding payment on the election out of fear of assassination before the inauguration. What a sad state of affairs we are in as humans. Whether I agree or disagree with the American public, I think it's sad that some people are acting with such extremism that foreign casinos won't pay on the bets made. Costa Rica anyone? Seriously... lets go!
5) On a lighter note, at least we don't all dress like this or this. Although in a socialist society, freedom of expression is typically pretty limited, so you never know... (We wont discuss how hot I may or may not think the chick is in the second one... I plead the 5th.)
6) Any time I get a chance to link up to this video, I'm going to do it.

Alright, have a Tuesday... good, bad or indifferent...

Monday, November 10, 2008

Monday Morning Headache

Ug... a short prelude to the linkage: 6th Street in Austin is the bomb, but I need more than 24 hours to recover...

1) The Eyeball of Doom
2) A shirt for Miranda.
3) Seriously, I'll take 3... all you little Smart Cars better watch out!
4) This is how I handle my home cleaning projects too...
5) Alright boys, let's play nice and share your toys.

Alright, that's all I can manage today... have fun...

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Ah, Thursday... every other week, you are my favorite day of the week...

One day of work today, then I get to sleep in tomorrow, enjoying the warmth of my comforter and basking in the noon day sun as I stumble to the computer and start talking to all my friends who have to work tomorrow... wow, just typing that refreshes me...

LINKAGE!!!!

1) Oh please please please, Jeanne, can I PLEASE buy one of these????? I already know the answer... the link is the closest I'll ever get to this glorious piece of awesome trash... err... art...
2) Here's a fun game to pass the time... It's like Tetris, but instead of clearing lines of blocks, the aim is to build the tallest tower possible. Sounds easy right, except that the designers have incorporated the laws of physics, so your tower must be structurally sound or it will fold faster than the French Army.
3) For those of you interested in an entirely different candidate to support... just follow me here, I know the election is over...
4) Thanks Miranda... ROFL
5) There are so many things wrong with this story.
6) This kind of thing happens to me all the time...
7) Only 130??? Pft... call me when you reach 130,000....
8) Thank you for taking yourself out of the gene pool...
9) A closer examination at the voting results.

Alright, I'm done... have a great day... I'll chat with you tomorrow... noon-ish... :-D

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Tuesday... Election Day... I really could care less...

As election day approached, I realized that it is neither my calling or desire to be entirely wrapped up in the doom and gloom of either candidate being elected. We're screwed either way if you want my honest opinion. But I will stop there, as I don't want the Dimwit to become a political blog. The Dimwit is just that, a dim wit, so his opinion on political matters should be ignored... On to the linkage... (theme music plays)... Yea, I am dreamin'... oh to be there right now instead of here...

1) So I found some funny t-shirts... here's the first one of the day and it reflects my sentiments precisely... haha...
2) Freakin' sweet...
3) Um... can I get these blown up, framed and hung all around my house?????
4) Hey Goose you big stud! Take me to bed or lose me forever!
5) A "HOLY @#$%" moment if I ever heard of one... reminds me of Talledega Nights and the cougar... hahaha...
6) I do not endorse any candidate... but Dixville Notch has spoken... hahahah... who the hell gives their town this name?????
7) I don't endorse any candidate, but I can endorse this!!!!

Alright, that should be enough mindless entertainmen for you all today... have a great one...

Monday, November 3, 2008

Monday Monday... I've got a case of the Mondays...

"Good" morning everyone. Really, what's good about it? This weekend was going absolutely wonderfully until 7pm Saturday night. It just went down hill from there. The Longhorns bowed out of the championship picture, then the Texans decided to suck it up in Minnesota. Do I spend too much time watching football/baseball/ESPN??? Quite possibly the answer is a resounding "YES" but I lack a sufficient alternative.

Well, I guess I could find something among the list below, but I will just stick with football... at least with football I have the chance of picking up a woman...
1) Oh dear lord someone has too much time, TOO MUCH TIME, on their hands...
2) I could order me some of these to decorate El Casa de Samuel. (Jeanne might single handedly kick my @$$ for even thinking of doing this.)
3) Or look uber cool in these...
4) I could brush up on my skillz... (put the knife down Jeanne)...
5) But I gotta say, at least I didn't get caught doing this on Halloween... (let's not mention what I did get caught doing... lol)...

Have a good Monday, b/c I wont... haha!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Halloween Friday... are you scared yet???

I have to admit, Halloween lost it's luster years ago when I became "too old" to Trick-or-Treat. I haven't costumed-up in a long time. Which makes this year a special one, because I will be dressed up. I can't say just yet who I will be, as it is to be a surprise and I would hate to ruin the surprise for any of my faithful readers. But I will tell you this, it is freakin sweet. You want linkags, you've got it:

1) If only I had more time...
2) Thank God I don't have this much time...
3) Ok, nix #1... these are even better...
4) Holy CRAP!
5) Yes, even complete nerds need their Halloween fun.
6) And for those already tired of Halloween, our next holiday is just around the corner!

Have a great day everyone!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Just another Thursday...

Alright, I'm here today... not happy about it, I'd much rather be in bed. But since I have to be here, I will share something with you that will ROCK... YOUR... (wait for it...) WORLD...

I was born in 1980, that wonderful year... ah, let us all take a moment to reminisce... alright, back to the subject at hand. I had two sisters who were already 10 and 8 when I was born, so by the time I was old enough to know what was going on around me, they were in full-fledged Hair Band Fever. Part of this was due to this great new thing called "MTV" where they played the latest and greatest music videos from the hottest artists (hahahaha... WTF were people thinking?). Somewhere between kindergarten and college, MTV lost all focus and became a crappy reality TV programming network that just happened to throw in a Music related show or news item from time to time. (I personally blame the first season of the Real World for the decline, it was a great show, but it ruined MTV as a music channel). I say all this as a sort of eugolgy to the music video...

Until I came across THIS. Yes my friends, MTV has brought MUSIC VIDEOS back!!! Not only do they have the most recent hits available. But also classics from the 80's and more! And yes, you can even get RickRolled! You can even find the long version of the greastest music video EVER. Seriously, I may not get any work done today. Or tomorrow either...

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Wednesday Already...

Well, here we are at Wednesday and the week has been moving rather quickly. I'm in some pain today, but I blame the flag football for that. It did not go well, AT ALL, last night. We lost by some ridiculous margin and I got tackled on a play... and the other team had the audacity to argue the penalty. So my left knee is swollen and it feels like I'm walking through wet concrete every time I take a step. I know, I'm horribly out of shape... on to the linkage...

1) Just because we're getting close to Halloween... the comments on these are actually funnier than the actual costumes...
2) Chuck Norris... because these never get old...
3) Check out this guy's stuff... cool designs... funky even...
4) For all you retro gamers out there... cufflinks...
5) The Ultimate in Office Warfare... don't mess with me Crazy Copier Lady... I will bust a cap in yo' @$$... hahahahaha

Ok, back to my real job... ish...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Tuesday Morning... too early to get drunk????

Well, the Dimwit is back after a short hiatus. I know you all missed me... the three people who keep coming back here because I remind them on a daily basis to check my blog... So without further ado, here are some fun links for the day...

1) Mmm.... bacon...
2) This may or may not have happened while we were in Austin... ish...
3) For those Trekkies out there who need Christmas decorations... have at it.
4) How to ensure your child will start getting beat up as a toddler.
5) There are so many jokes I can make about this one, but I'll refrain because it would just be too easy.
6) FAT HEAD!

That's it. That's all you are getting from me today... have a good one!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Friday is awesome...

Well, I'm about to head out for Austin... you're not getting any links today... a combo of not enough time and complete laziness...

Have a good weekend, I'll check in tomorrow with a short blog after the game, before 6th Street... hopefully....

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Wednesday and Gin

Mmmm.... gin... and tonic... with a twist of lime... alright, alright... on with the blogging...

I ran across Revenge this morning for any of you who have problems with your neighbors. It's pretty cheap and may be pretty effective. You'll either a) get your point across or b) escalate matters beyond reason. But whatever makes you happy, right?

I am in TOTAL agreement with the title of this blog entry... I mean seriously, how and why did this occur?

A disturbing look at the similarities between two great actors' careers. This is not for the faint of heart... ok, I kid.

Grindage...

So I made it to work safely today, and by safely I mean I didn't go the wrong way down any one-way streets... we won't talk about doing 80 down the Westpark Tollway because I was running behind because I spent too much time watching funny videos on YouTube this morning... Ah, youtube how did we ever procrastinate without you???

I found a few other funny links, but the filter at work is totally being a buzzkill. So, those may have to wait until my Saturday blog... there's a tease for you... you're coming back on Saturday, aren't ya????

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Tuesday's Thoughts

Alright everyone, I am not getting any younger. After playing 4 matches of 4-on-4 volleyball last night, I am in all kinds of pain. My left knee feels like someone jabbed a screwdriver in it right above the knee cap. I've had a re-occuring pain in my right foot, and well it re-occured last night. This said, I'm not really even sure how to limp to try and ease the pain. I guess I'll just put on the man-face and tough it out. That and the 4 ibuprofen I took this morning...

Alright, Halloween is just around the corner. My costume has been ordered and my friend Kevin & I should wow the crowd with not only our costumes, but also our other preperations. Needless to say, it should be fun. For all you X-Men fans out there, who wants to be Wolverine? You'll need these.

The Swiss have gone crazy, but it makes for good art...

For the young at heart...

And finally, for those of you needing a little more BLING BLING!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Monday Monday... Can't Trust Those Days...

Well it's another "wonderful" Monday morning, as evidenced by the stack of paperwork that was waiting for me in my chair this morning. That's what I get after a four day weekend, a little piece of karma in my chair... well, here's something funny for you:


Hopefully this link works, if not then try here. The second in the series is the best... I got your wiggle room right here! hahahaha

These are cool, and they can be rented instead of bought. So if you have an extra $2,200 per month, go for it.

Let me take a moment to reflect on the weekend..... UT is now ranked #1... Awesome... Alright, so I ended up watching most of the Texans game, which I will say that I am impressed Kubiak/Schaub went gutsy on the 4th down with :07 seconds left. The QB draw was the perfect play call and it was obvious that the Dolphins never saw it coming. I wouldn't say I'm back on the bandwagon, it was one win over a team that went 1-15 last year. The next game wont mean much either, as it's against the lowly Lions. When we beat the Colts, Jags, Titans or any team that isn't re-building, I might just start believing in them again.

Alright, enough with my sports rant... have a great Monday, if you can manage that...

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Sunday Morning, Rain is Falling, Steal Some Covers, Share Some Skin

That's a Maroon 5 song for the title, for those who aren't familiar with their work.

Alright, my thoughts for today will be centered around football...

1) What a great day of college football, 3 of the top 5 teams in the nation fell yesterday. OU, Mizzou and LSU, thanks for your attempt this year, see you next year.
2) How about them Longhorns? They just kept punching and didn't give up when OU kept getting miracle plays and officiating help. They played a great game and if Colt McCoy isn't the leading Heisman candidate, then my name is Sam.
3) The Texans play the Dolphins today. I may not even watch the game. After last week, I throw up a little in my mouth each time I hear the word "Texans".
4) The Longhorns' schedule is tough, making it through undefeated will be a challenge. The next 3 weeks are a gauntlet: Mizzou, Oklahoma State and Texas Tech. If they make it through undefeated, there shouldn't be any doubt about who the number one team in the nation is.
5) Bonus baseball tidbit: How about those Tampa Rays? They are putting up a fight against the Red Sox and I'm glad to see it. The Astros could learn some things from them in the area of player development.

Have a great Sunday!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Saturday's Ramblings

Seriously, I went to bed at 3:30am and I couldn't sleep past 8:30 this morning. What's wrong with me? I think it's the allergy problems I've been having but who knows.

So, I managed to complete 6 of the 7 objectives from yesterday. Only "do my laundry" remains for today. I consider this a success, as I also completed three tasks that weren't on the list: replace my shower head, put my patio furniture back on the patio (was in my spare room since Ike), and clean up my spare bedroom a bit. Good times.

So what am I going to talk about today? Well, check this out... This has been my sentiment ever since both parties made their decisions. While I normally lean Republican, I cannot justify voting for either candidate. Both of them have qualities that scare me, disgust me and fill me with distrust. Those are three things you shouldn't be able to say about a presidential candidate. I'm not looking forward to the next four years, the economy is bad enough... compound this with one of these two in the oval office, and I couldn't be more apathetic. Canada is looking pretty inviting right about now.

I really have never felt apathetic about politics in a long time. The only thing I'm passionate about when it comes to this election is that everyone should vote and let's not have another controversial election, that's the last thing we need as a country.

Ok, so maybe not the most entertaining blog, but hopefully it was informative and I didn't make it too boring to read. Have a great Saturday and go LONGHORNS!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Friday's To-Do List

For some reason, I am just not as excited about this Friday as I usually am. Here's my to-do list for the day:

1) Go by the bank and deposit a check.
2) Go to the UPS store and mail back my Garmin that died on me.
3) Eat lunch for former co-workers from CMC and laugh at them for having to be at work today and for still working at CMC.
4) Go to Home Depot to get some stuff to work on the pile of branches on my back deck, I need to get them cut up and bagged as well.
5) Drop of my dry cleaning.
6) Do my laundry.
7) Go to the Pearl Bar tonight and enjoy a frosty adult beverage.

Let's see if I can manage to get these 7 things done today. I'll let you know tomorrow if I totally failed or not.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Thursday's Thoughts

Alright, here we go with day number two... my thoughts for the day...

I think stuff like this needs to be stopped... seriously, this is why they make fun of skinny white guys.
I think more people need to be involved. Find a cause. I don't care what you choose, but support something that changes the world for the better.
I think I want one of these shirts. Even if it means I'm a total dork.
I think I'm glad I never had this problem.
I think it's someone's birthday and she should have a great day!
I think I really don't want to go to the dentist but I have no choice but to just do it.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Wednesday Wonderings

Alright, let me start this blog off by saying that I am going to attempt to post here on a daily basis. Probably not anything as in depth or personal as my secret hidden blog in cyberworld, but something either entertaining, funny or interesting to me. Each day of the week will have a theme... So, Wednesday will be Wonderings... which I imagine will follow suit with Jack Handy type of musings. Without further ado...

1) Why does it take so long to get through the express lane in the grocery store?
2) When is it no longer appropriate to watch Seaseme Street?
3) Why did this happen?
4) Why does everything happen at 4am?
5) Will we know it when it is the "end of the world as we know it"? I don't know about you, but I'll feel fine.

Have a great day!